Last month marked the 12th year since I began the most difficult stretch of road on this life journey.
To those of us who have lived through the horror of divorce it is a most spectacular and earth shattering event that literally changes the way we live, and love, and dream, and pursue happiness. They say divorce in the U.S. is finally on a decline. But for way too many of our society, divorce has become such a routine part of life. For most, divorce is total destruction of the home, of the family unit, of a lifestyle, of all hopes and dreams. Sadly for some, it is so devastating that the future looks too dark and too dim to be worth living for.
But to me, the experience of divorce was an awakening. It caused me to seek out the answer to the question. Where was God when I needed Him? I could not believe this happened to me. And God let it happen! I felt as though He had totally abandoned me. I was just a regular middle-class American boy. A boy who was introduced to God at a young age, but who still really didn't know Him. I was a boy who thought I was a man, but looking back, I see that I knew little about what manhood really meant. I was and I still remain a person with hopes and dreams for me, for my life, for my children, and for all of the lives we touch. Looking back... I see that I really had never sought a relationship with Him. I was a boy who never really became a man until I sought and found the answer to the question.
Not unlike thousands of others, Divorce struck my life with an awesome power and with a mighty vengeance. It caught me in my prime of life. It came, seemingly out of nowhere! It tore at the very heart and soul of my being. It tested me in ways that only Satan could have conjured up. Divorce attacked my home, my lifestyle, my family. It broke me down to the lowest level of human emotional tolerance. It shattered my hopes and dreams and made me question my reason for living.
I know the experience has also wreaked the same havoc upon my former spouse and upon our children. It would be impossible for me to put into words exactly how it was dealt to the kids or to her, because they are the only ones who experienced it from their perspective. For this reason, I know I will never understand my "ex's" actions throughout the ordeal. At times I never even realized that she was enduring the pain. And later I came to see it in her eyes and to feel it in the way she spoke to me. I know that she suffered. I know that she, like me, is healing in her own good time and in her own way. Surely we will all carry the scars along with us for the rest of our lives.
I did re-marry seven years ago to the love of my life, Leann. My life is so much richer and full nowadays. Together we travel this road and what a joy it is to share. We still face difficulties and some are terribly hard. But together we strive. I thank Leann for all that she means to me... yet words can never describe how much that is.
So.. back to this blog. I have a lot to say in future posts. I write about events that affect my faith. As you see, I come from a background of sin and difficulty, though maybe not as difficult as many other folks. I write from the perspective of an average white, middle-class, divorced, reformed, follower of Jesus. I do not claim to know all of the answers. I am simply seeking each day for God's grace. I imagine there may not be many who ever read this blog. Maybe no one. That's OK too, because when I am posting, it seems as though I am able to clear my thoughts and grow closer to God in my faith. But for those who do read this, I hope you are somehow encouraged and are able to learn from my experiences as and to think about similar situations in your life. I challenge you to always seek God’s plan for your life, to ask for His help, and grow your faith in Him toward an everlasting life in heaven.
Goodbye for now.
:)
